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This is my latest story. It deals with government conspiracies, strange happemings, and the hard yet adventurous life
of a young girl known only as Buttermilk.
CHAPTER 1: Conspiracy Confirmed
Time: 08:00 hrs. November 15, 2009, Sunday
location: Crystal Springs,
Mississippi
It was a normal day at McDonald's. Cars were running a marathon through
the drive-thru, and customers were starting to pile inside for breakfast. One customer in particular happens to be the
protagonist of this fine tale. Her name, do to reason beyond my control, will remain anonymous for now.
She was a
light skinned girl, about 5 ft. 7" who looked half asian. She had wide eyes, a button nose, and a very soothing grin. Her
coal black hair ran halfway down her back and she was wearing a white shirt, Wii pajama pants, and white bunny slippers. She
was the cute, innocent, sophisticated looking type, but boy oh boy did her looks decieve.
"What y'all putting in
the food?!" she shouted drawing attention to herself as she stormed up to the counter, "I wanna see yo manager right now!"
she started beating her fist on the counter in anger causing the manager to come to the front.
"Ma'am, I'm going
to have to ask you to calm down." she politely asked.
"I ain't calmin nothin' down! Y'all sold me a freaky biscuit!"
There
was a black guy, bald headed with a beard, who was wearing a faded Kobe Bryant jersey, busted jeans and pink pig slippers
sitting at a table with a guy who looks a lot like WWE's Batista, who was wearing a blue moomoo with clowns on it and roller
skates on his feet. Believe it or not, nobody even noticed him dressed like that.
The black guy looked at the guy in the
moomoo like he was ready to say something, but the guy in the moomoo just held his hand up and shook his head 'no'.
"You
don't fool me! You're working with the Area 85 people!" the tanned asian girl was so upset she was literally doing a hand
stand on the counter, toes to the ceiling, "You think I don't know?! E.Pluribus Unim? Novus Ordo Seclorum?!"
The
manager was so freaked out by the girl's outrageous behavior, that she wet her pants and was just standing there stuttering
saying "I-I-I-I.."
Out of nowhere the moomoo guy rolled over to her, and tackled her down from the counter. "FBI!
you're under arrest!" he shouted as he started hand cuffing her.
"Get your rotten government dog hands off me!" She
elbowed the guy in the mouth, which seemed to upset him causing him to squeeze her tighter.
"Ma'am, this'll go smoother
if you just cooperate." the black guy winked.
"What the heck you winkin' at me for?" she shouted as she struggled
to get free, somehow dragging the buff guy in the moomoo as she crawled slowly towards the door with one hand.
"Dammit
Man! Zap her!" the moomoo guy ordered.
The black guy grabbed her shoulders and she felt an odd surge of power go through
her body and she passed out.
Time: 09:48 hrs. November 15, 2009, Sunday
location: Unknown
The girl awoke to a dark room with a spotlight on her and the moomoo guy staring in her face with a fierce look
in his eyes. He was so close she could smell his nasty onion breath, heck its probably what woke her up. He should've told
them to hold the onions,or brushed his teeth or something, but thats off subject. Back to the story
"What the hell
were you trying to do out there?!" he shouted accidently spitting all in her eye, like right in the center of the pupil.
"Okay,
dude...calm down." she said as she wiped her eye, "What you talkin' bout?"
"The stuff you said earlier? Are you a
government spy, or are you with the conduit?" the black guy asked.
"Whoa! I was right all these years?! The Conduit
real?" the girl looked ready to jump out of her seat, but luckily they had her securely fastened to it. Obviously they wanted
to keep her exuberant behavior to a minimum.
"Dammitt Neighgger! She's a civvie!" The moomoo guy shouted.
"Did
the queer just call you a nigger?" she was confused
"He said Neighgger, not nigger, its my name, Kobe Neighgger.
My oddly dressed friend is Dwight Crackear. What's your name kid?" The black guy said with a smile.
"Wow! Neighgger
and Crackear, thats gonna cause problems." She chuckled, "My name is P-"
"Took you too long to reply, we'll call
you Buttermilk!" Crackear snapped.
"Why Buttermilk?" she didn't know what to expect. she was wiggin out. Was this
even real?
"because you got the biscuit." Neighgger replied.
"My puppy? what the heck did you do to my puppy,
Biscuit?" She became angry and tried to break out of the chair.
"Interesting, your dog's named Biscuit?" Crackear
leaned his head back away from Buttermilk, "The freaky biscuit they sold you, where is it ?"
"My puppy ate it! He's
not the same anymore!" Buttermilk was clearly upset as she tried to break out of her chair, "What do you know about that?"
Neighgger
and Crackear stared at each other and nodded as if they could just predict what each other are thinking.
"You're
a civilian, but you apparently know about the Conduit, so tell us what you know first!" Neighgger suggested.
"All
I know is our country's history hides the truth. Area 51 is a decoy to distract people from area 85 where everything really
is, and cold and flu season is controlled by the government. They release viruses and air born pathogens to infect people,
so that the pharmacuetical companies can get more money from drugs to fund new experiments." Buttermilk just stared
at Crackear and Neighgger's blank facial expressions. The room was filled with silence. She didn't know if she was right or
wrong.
"Dear God! She knows too much!" Crackear held his hand out and it morphed into a small cannon.
"Wait!"
Neighgger pushed his hand back and he blasted a huge hole in the wall behind them where the aliens where, and accidently broke
open a container holding a white martian with big green eyes and a big head.
"Yezziro ghuuty jii merrrty jizz woo
hee hee!" the Martian shouted as it ran trying to get away, but ran into an invisble forcefield that shocked it unconscious.
"Hey!
You tried to kill me!" Buttermilk shouted with tears in her eyes as she jumped up and down somehow while binded to the chair.
"We
can use her, Crackear!" Neighgger's hand was tightly gripping crackear's wrist, "Think of how convienant that will be!"
"What?
You can't use me! I ain't some government tool and you tried to kill me!" Buttermilk was still kicking her legs trying to
get free.
"I can assure you we do not work for this corrupt government. We Conduit members work for the betterment
of mankind." Neighgger folded his arms, "Ever hear of Kevin Trudeau? He refused to join us, but he is very valuable to the
American citizens. We helped get his books published."
"If she's going to join us, we should tell her about the biscuits."
Crackear suggested.
"Please do! What is so darn special bout these biscuits and why did it change my puppy into a
war machine?" Buttermilk was angry and ready for answers.
"Your puppy has eaten what we call a sacred biscuit." Crakear
started, as Buttermilk raised one eyebrow looking confused, "There should be one hundred and fourty-nine left now. They were
accidentally infected with a serum made by the US Government to create super soldiers. As you can probably see, Agent Neighgger
and I have eaten one ourselves."
"Umm. Ok, so can I ask somethin'?" Buttermilk put a sly smile on her face, "I read
a book that said Ben Franklin could fire lightning from his hands. Is dat true? Cause I doubt he just made electricity. He
probably mimicked his own power."
"You're Right! Ben Franklin was the first to eat a sacred biscuit and he obtained
lightning powers. The whole key on a kite thing was so he wouldn't look suspicious." Neighgger walked up to the chair and
start undoing the belts that held Buttermilk in place, "of course the Government eventually found out and formed the FDA.
Their real purpose is to find those biscuits, that is why they put stuff in the food thats slowly killing off their own citizens,so
they can find the people who ate the biscuits and to make matters worse, when they find an infected person, they diagnose
a false disease, kill the person and disect them."
"That is where we come in!" Crackear stood up from his chair,
"We formed a team of specialist to make sure this corrupt government doesn't get their hands on anymore biscuits, or kill
anymore innocent people."
"But why biscuits? Seems kinda silly." Buttermilk chuckled as she got out of her seat and
stretched.
"During a terrorist attack on a military base in Washington D.C. they were forced to get rid of the serum
before it was stolen, so they dumped it in a nearby food supply, It got in all kind of food, but only the biscuits are still
floating around." Neighgger smiled, "Now, where is your puppy? so whe can see what effect it had on him."
"Oh, he's
at my house. But umm. how we get outta here? No doors." Buttermilk looked around and couldn't find a door anywhere.
"Novus
Ordo Seclorum." Crackear spoke as a door materialized on the wall behind Buttermilk.
"Okay, yeah thats cools. When
do I get powers?" Buttermilk said with an excited grin.
"Not that easy, Kid" Neighgger said with a grin as he opened
the door and they all exited the room.
Time: 10:12 hrs November 15, 2009, Sunday
location: Buttermilk's house, Crystal Springs, Mississippi
They pulled up at a little house hidden in the woods that looked a bit run down, but still good enough to
live in.
"Alright, We need your social so we can pull up your record and delete you from the government's system."
Crackear said as he got out of the ordinary, kind of beat up looking black van.
"I don't have a social. The government
is evil and I was never put in the system." Buttermilk smiled.
"You're joshing me?? So they didn't give you one when
you were born?" Crackear looked ready to slap her for joking around when he was being serious.
"No its true. I was
born at home and my momma toss me in a dumpster, where a nice old man found me." Buttermilk was grinning like a fool really
making it look like she was lying, "He raised me till I was 5, but he died choking on his own slob laughing at a movie with
me. He never got me a Social security number, and spy movies taught me the government is evil, so I never got one!"
"Wait!
Hold up? so who raised you?" Neighgger wasn't buying this story at all, It had to be a lie.
"I raised myself watching
TV, reading books, and playing video games. I lived off the old man's insurance till I was 7, then I started selling off his
antique stuff and doing little jobs for people, and sometimes stealin' food to eat, but I always end up giving it away to
homeless." Butter milk saw Neighgger ready to ask another question and held her hand up and grabbed his lips shut, "Bills?
I rigged the generator to keep the lights going when I was 6, and water I paid with the money I made with my odd jobs, and
the house is paid off already, and no I neva attended school, but I bet I'm smarter than those brainwashed government test
subjects."
"You know what? I believe you. " Crackear said, "cause for one we injected you with 24 hour truth serum,
and that would explain your cartoon character videogame avatar-esque behavior."
"So, You a virgin?" Neighgger grinned
as he walked up to Buttermilk's house.
"Yeah, but what's it to you," Buttermilk shouted, "Hey no fair! you made me
answer you!" She jumped on Neighggers back like a monkey and started beating him on the head saying " Undo it ! Undo it! Undo
it!"
"Serves you right, Neighgger. That has nothing to do with- Whoa!" before Crackear could finish a huge red laser
came from the the door he just opened, and covered his whole body and tore the ground up as it kept going and hit a tree,
burning it to an instant pile of ashes.
"Biscuit! No no! bad puppy!" Buttermilk got off of Neighgger's back and
ran up to Agent Crackear, who was covered by a protective sheild.
A huge robotic silver dog with red glowing
eyes walked toward Buttermilk and rubbed his head against her as she started to pet him.
"Its okay, they not gonna
hurt you, they gone help you." Buttermilk said hugging the metalic dog who was bout twice as big as a horse. While she was
hugging him he started to glow white and turned back to a little brown chihuahua.
"So thats Biscuit?" Neighgger walked
up to them holding the back of his head which was now sore, thanks to Buttermilk.
"I see, so he transforms when he
feels threatened?" Crackear lowered his shield.
"Yep and I get crazy Cards like these." Buttermilk pulled out 5 cards
with pictures and writing underneath them, saying what they are for, "They came out of the slot on his back. I call 'em biscards."
"Dear
God in Heaven!" Crackear's eyes got big, "You found one of the ultimate weapons!" He quickly snatched up Buttermilk by the
arm, causing Biscuit to growl at him, "Quick! Back to Area 85!"
Neighgger picked up Biscuit who was about to
bite him, but Buttermilk looked back and said "No no! Biscuit!" and he stopped.
They all jumped back inside the black
van and pulled out of the driveway tires screeching and all.
Chapter 2: Training, Torment, or Torture?
Time: 11:00 hrs. November 15th, 2009, Sunday
Location: Area 85
"Hey! Cracker!" Buttermilk shouted tapping crackear on the shoulder as they walked up to the entrance of area 85
"What we back here for?"
"My name is Agent Dwight Crackear, not cracker, and we have to run test on your puppy."
Crackear grabbed at air and a door appeared and he politely held it open for Buttermilk, "He's the first animal to eat a sacred
biscuit."
"Alright! Score!" Buttermilk held her fist in the air like she was celebrating a win or something, "I got
the first ever super puppy. This is so cool!" She pulled out a Blackberry Storm, "I gotta tell my friends!"
Neighgger
slapped her phone out of her hand and it became engulfed in a ball of energy and exploded.
"what the heck you
do that for?!" Buttermilk snatched Neighgger down to her face by the side of his jersey, "You know how much that thang cost,
idiot?" She gave neighgger a swift clean slap across the face that sounded off loud enough to scare the birds out of a nearby
tree.
Crackear held in a laugh, but couldn't help but to smile at the sight of Neighgger getting smacked by a girl.
"Cause
you're with the conduit now, dumbass!" Neighgger broke away from her and held his jaw, "You can't go telling classified info.
Damn its still stinging!"
With that Crackear's smile broke and he broke into a hearty manly laugh that would fit
a guy of his size. "Come on in!" He laughed, "Not supposed to have the door open this long."
This time
when she entered, the place was different. It was set up like a overly huge fight cage. Buttermilk looked around and saw the
size of the place, and all she could do was shout "Oh my Gooooooooo-" She was trying to say God, but she just held that note
as she walked around the whole room in amazement.
"She has some powerful lungs." Crackear said closing the door,
as Biscuit barked seemingly in agreement.
"I don't think she's going to stop." Neighgger said as he straightended
up his jersey.
"Buttermilk, thats enough." Crackear placed his hand on her shoulder, and she finally stop yelling
God, "We have to test out Biscuit's abilities, but he only obeys you it would seem."
"Oh, okay, so whatcha need me
to do?" Buttermilk asked scratching her head.
"We're going to put you in a battle against one of our weaker extra
terrestrials, so that we can see just how powerful Biscuit is." Crackear said with a straight face, and a fierce intensity
in his eyes.
"Righty-o! Can do chief!" She said saluting Crackear as if she was in the military or something, "Biscuit,
come here boy!" Biscuit came running up to her and she picked him up and looked him in his big round eyes, "Mommy needs you
to transform, ok?" He barked in agreement and started to glow with a white light, and she quickly put him down.
This
time he turned into a black metallic dog the size of a tank, with blue thunderbolts on his side. and red glowing eyes.
"What
the hell? That's not the same as-"
"Yeah! He always turned into something else, " Buttermilk interrupted Neighgger, "he
was Gold the first time, This one looks weaker, maybe its because he doesn't feel threatened."
"Neighgger, send in
subject FX10-G30-74B." Crackear turned and exited the cage, leaving just Buttermilk and Biscuit inside with Neighgger.
Neighgger
held his hand out and a giant screen with numbers began to float in front of him as he keyed in FX10-G30-74B and pressed enter
on the screen.
The screen vanished and the entire room began to tremble as a portal appeared in front of Buttermilk
and Biscuit, and a huge Greenish-red, yes as hard as that is to believe, Greenish-red, hand came out of the portal,
followed by a head and another arm the same color. She stared on with a goofy facial expression as the beast crawled
out of the portal. It stood at least 30 feet tall had an orange mohawk, sharp claws, a flaming mane and huge walrus teeth.
"Alright
Biscuit, its our first boss battle! Deal my cards!" Buttermilk shouted as Biscuits shot five cards out of his back at her,
and a blue grid appeared around everyone.
"What the heck is that?" Neighgger was confused by the grid.
"Its
a turn based grid. Its how he prefers to fight!" Buttermilk smiled holding up a thumb.
"I can assure you your foe
doesn't play by those rules!" Crackear called.
"He does now, Boss!" Buttermilk cheesed as the grid formed a fence
and a ceiling around them as well, and she stared at her cards.
"I'll equip the positron cannon on Biscuit, and place
a card in reserve mode, ending my turn."
Buttermilk announced her moves as two energy meters appeared in the sky, one labeled
Biscuit, another labeled Foe.
The alien fired a blast of greenish black fire at Biscuit and right before it hit it
froze in mid air.
"Not so fast! I reveal my reserved card, Still frame! Your attacks are prohibited by what ever
number I roll on my die!" Buttermilk stated as a giant blue die appeared in her hand. She rolled the die and it landed on
a 5.
"Five turns before you can attack!" She laughed as Biscuit shot one more card out that landed in her hand, "I
'll use Chaotic fury to boost my attack! Biscuit fire!"
Biscuit fired a huge blast out of his cannon and the explosion
covered the whole feild with a dust and debris. When it all cleared up, the alien was down on one knee with very little energy
left and Biscuit lost a little energy himself.
"Why did your dog take damage?" Neighgger asked confused
"Recoil!"
Buttermilk shrugged, "Its a low risk move compared to some others. The alien's attacks are still prohibited, and its his turn,
Lets see what it does."
The alien healed back up half of its energy and took a defensive stance.
"Well that's
dirty!" Buttermilk got another card from Biscuit, "I'll lay another card in reserve, and I'll play Heaven/Hell! If I roll
a 6, he goes straight to Hell, if I roll a Seven, he becomes an ally!" she informed as a giant Twelve sided die appeared in
her hand.
"And if you roll neither? Crackear asked, this little show had him intrigued.
"Nothing happens,
thats what make it a high risk card!" Buttermilk rolled a 10 and absolutely nothing happened.
"Well, you're screwed!"
Neighgger laughed
"Think again! I reveal my reserve card, Do Over! It lets me roll again." Buttermilk rolled the die one
more time and it landed on a 6.
The whole room was silent with anticipation waiting to see what would happen. Suddenly
the whole place grew dark and a pillar of fire erupted from the floor engulfing the alien. The cries of a million tormented
souls could be heard causing Buttermilk to cover her ears and curl into a ball.
"Unbelieveable! This goofy kid's
dog has that much power?" Crackear stared on as the alien was being dragged down to hell and fell through the floor, "However,
casting people into Hell is not a power granted by the biscuits....so then, where did this dog get so much power from?"
The
portal slowly began to close as the screaming began to fade and the light began to slowly creep back into the room.
Buttermilk
uncovered her ears and stood to her feet. "Alright! We got 'em! POWNED!!!"
Crackear made his way inside the cage
and pulled Neighgger over to the corner as Buttermilk danced around in circles shouting "I won! I won!"
"Neighgger,
this isn't a sacred power. What is it?" He whispered lowly in his ear.
"I wish I knew. Maybe we should interrogate
her." Neighgger suggested shrugging his shoulders.
"Hey what ya'll whisprin bout over there?" Buttermilk came walking
towards the agents with a goofy grin on her face.
"Your puppy! What else did he eat before he transformed?" Crackear
grabbed her by the shoulders, "Tell us everything."
"All he ever eats is biscuits. Its why I named him that. What
for?" Biscuit saw the concern in Crackear's eyes that he tried to hide behind anger, "Something wrong, Boss man?"
"I
don't know how to tell you this, but..." Crackear let go of Buttermilk, "Those powers didn't come form a biscuit. We can't
cast people into Hell! Thats beyond us."
"So...I'm stronger than you guys?" Buttermilk eyes grew big.
"Not
you! Your dog!" Neighgger laughed, "You're just a normal human with a Godly dog."
"Ain't too normal to smack the
taste out yo face!" Buttermilk teased, "Oooh Burn!"
"You little!!" Neighgger rushed at her, but she elbowed him in
the stomach and tripped him down laughing.
"Neighgger, You'd do wise to learn your opponent before you attack," Crackear
turned his back and headed towards the exit, "Clearly she's learned a thing or two about self defense, and garnereed some
unnatural strength, living alone since she was a child."
"So Chief, what we gone do bout my dog?" Buttermilk smiled
as she sat on Neighgger's back taunting him.
"Guess we'll not worry about where that power came from for now. Right
now we have to brief you on our current mission." Crackear extended his hand for a hand shake, "Welcome to the Conduit."
Time: 14:00 hrs. November 15th, 2009, Sunday
Location: Northpark Mall, Ridgeland, Mississippi
"One things been bothrin' me. What was you guys doing at McDonald's? I don't reckon ya'll came for the breakfast."
Buttermilk asked as she and Neighgger approached an escalator.
"We had reason to believe a biscuit was there, but
instead we found you." Crackear answered as he got on the escalator and started going up.
"Dude. look at the queer."
a guy in a black shirt whispered to his friend who was wearing a GreenDay shirt.
Neighgger put his hand on the rail
of the down escalator, and it started going fast and tossed the two guys down stairs and they hit the ground and rolled into
the pizza place's counter
"Well, thats rude." Buttermilk tightened her yellow bandana she had tied around her head.
She changed before they came to the mall and was now wearing a white shirt with a Starman from the Mario Bros. games on it,
yellow denim pants, and white tennis shoes
"So was he!" Neighgger snapped
"But he's wearing a moomoo,man!" Buttermilk
shouted causing all of the people to turn and look at Crackear and burst into laughter.
"You two, quiet. You're causing
a scene." Crackear calmly spoke as he headed toward Gamestop, "and pick up the pace. The sooner she gets her game, the sooner
we can leave."
"speaking of soon, why ain't ya'll briefed me on the mission yet?" Buttermilk folded her arms
"Maybe
because you took dang near three hours in the tub, and then demanded we bring you to the mall to get a DS game!" Neighgger
seemed to be annoyed by Buttermilk
"Neighgger, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you're smitten. You two are bickering
like an old married couple." Crackear said with a sly smile
"Now that you said sumthin' he is quite the hottie."
Buttermilk placed her hand on Neighgger's face and he blushed for a quick second.
"Stop playing around!" He slapped
her hand away quickly
"Will you two go get the damn game already! We're already behind schedule!" Crackear growled angrily
Neighgger
and Buttermilk went inside as Crackear stayed on the outside staring down stairs at the Dippin Dots stand.
"I just
know that isn't who I think it is." Crackear leaned on the railing and could see a guy with blonde hair wearing a business
suit on laughing casually with the Dippin Dots lady,"It is!"
He lept over the railing and landed down stairs with
a thud, causing the guy to turn around.
"Jargen!" He grabbed the guy buy the shoulder, "I knew I'd find you, sooner,
or later. I doubt you'd want to cause a scene, so I think it would be in your best interest to come with me."
"Dwight,
you think you have it all figured out huh?" Jargen pushed his hand back, "What makes you think I give a damn about causing
a scene. Unlike you, our justice is absolute. We are not binded by the law."
Jargen separated into three transparent
images of himself and teleported away, and reappeared levitating above the escalator.
"Go ahead! Attack me!" He stretched
out his arms giving Crackear a clear shot, "Or does your fruitless loyalty to this corrupt country and its people prevent
you from doing so?"
Crackear looked around and noticed a lot of people looking on at what was going on with fear
in their eyes, frozen stiff.
"Jargen! You always were a coward!" Crackear shouted.
Jargen gave off an evil smile
and began turning transparent, "Perhaps I am, then again, maybe you are the coward. Afraid of muddying your image in the name
of justice." with those words Jargen fadeded away
Crackear tapped his blue tooth ear piece, "Datacode input 4478900415"
he calmly stated, "Rain of amnesia"
The sprinklers in the mall came on and began to rain down on all of the people
who were watching.
"What in tarnation?" Butter milk came out of Gamestop with a bag in her left hand and covering
her head from the sprinklers with her right hand.
"Buttermilk, Neighgger! Let's Go!" Crackear called. You could sense
the anger in his tone
"Crackear, What happened? Why are you using the amnesia rain?" Neighgger called out as he approached
the down escalator.
"Jargen was here! Talk later!" Crackear was gritting his teeth with anger.
Buttermilk
however was just as lost as ever. Who is Jargen? What is amnesia rain? And just what the heck is it the Conduit does, exactly?
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